There are some areas of my day to day life that I feel most challenged, ill equipped, and incompetent 

I’m completely out of my league…

Parenting – Nothing has challenged me more. A friend of mine was texting me the other day and I was sharing some of my struggles and insecurities, and he said, “if you were the perfect father, your kids wouldn’t need God.”

Marriage – I told myself a few years ago that this is a subject I will never preach on again – I have a deep sense of insecurity teaching on this. 

The Lord reminded me that he never called me to preach about marriage, he called me to teach his word. So today I’m just teaching his word through Colossians, and here are some instructions for marriage. 

When I was planning this series, I thought I’d just skip over this whole section, and select one passage from each chapter. But we decided to extend the series, and we needed to extend for 3 weeks. So…I saw these three things in Colossians 3 (marriage family, work.)

If Jesus is the greatest of all time, and we center all of our lives around Jesus, then that will make a deep impact on our marriages.

How has walking with Jesus changed the way you think about and thrive in your marriage?

Covenant Language

Covenant language = not matter what, til death do us part, I will serve, love, give, etc

It’s a promise regardless of circumstances.

It’s rooted in God’s covenant with us, no matter what you do, I’m committed to you.

Covenant is GOD-centered

Most of us stand at the altar and use covenant language when we get married….but then after we get married, we start using contract language


Contract Language = If you do ____, then I will _____.

If you your part of the housework, then I’ll do my part of the housework

If you do for me, I’ll do for you.

You hear contract language in marital arguments. 

One person says, “hey I’m feeling like you don’t care because you didn’t ________

And the other person says, well if you would just ______ then I would do that for you.

So the text today, says…

‘ Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. ‘

Colossians 3:18-19



It does not say:

Women submit to men

It does not in any way say that you are less than, or not equal

Proverbs 12:4

“A noble wife is the crown of her husband, but the wife who acts shamefully is like rottenness in his bones.”

Wives, you can be the crown or you can be rotten.



You are not responsible or instruct to submit to ANY OTHER MAN. 

“Well, you don’t know my husband. He’s not very respectable. Well why’d you marry a man who’s not respectable?


Opposite of submit? Nag.

The Bible has a lot of warnings about what it means to be with a nagging wife.

A nagging wife is like a dripping faucet

That’s how ancient civilizations extracted information from their prisoners of war. Drip, Drip, Drip (water torture)

The Bible says 

it’s better to live on the corner of a roof than to live with a nagging wife.

Nagging just means “to correct in an annoying way.”

He’s like, I think I’ll go live on the roof, there’s peace up there.

Also, side note, David committed adultery with Bathsheba because he was spending time on his roof. Ladies, we don’t want men to live on the roof.

The Bible says it’s better to live in the desert than with a nagging woman.

Video – Man Singing IN Police Car

What does submit mean?

People think up images of a tyrant standing over his or her subjects, beating them into submission.

That’s not what the verse is implying.

Submit means,
“to yield oneself to another”

In other words, “invite Him to lead!”

Ladies, your husband was created to lead. 

He will lead something, somewhere. He is gonna show to lead in the place where he feels competent to lead.

Submission is saying,
“you got this”

“You can do it”

“I believe in you and I’m following you”


Every man in here has an intrinsic question he’s trying to answer

“do I have what it takes?”

Its deep in our soul.

We’ve been trying to prove it our entire lives.

When we were little boys, we tried to impress our dad. Even if Dad wasn’t around. 

Then we tried to prove it in little league, or an academic club, or a hobby, or video games. We just want to win, and prove to someone that we have what it takes. 

Then you came along, and we just tried to prove ourselves to you! And we’re all kinda scared that you’re gonna see that we don’t have what it takes. 

You have an opportunity, to be the ONE person in your husbands life who tells him, 

“baby you’ve got what it takes”

“I believe in you”

“Up and down, mountain tops and valleys, I’m right here with you no matter what”

Now here’s the issue. 

You’re a daughter of Eve.

And Eve was created to be Adams “helper” (the Holy Spirit is a helper)

And so you’re just trying to help, 

And you don’t realize that you are telling him the opposite of that…

For example:

-he’s trying to tell a story, and you interrupt and correct him about details that don’t even matter to the story. You’re just trying to help, but what he hears is, “get out of the way idiot you don’t even know how to tell a story”

-he’s trying to drive, and you are telling him get in this lane, stop faster, slow down, speed up, 

You’re trying to help him, but what he hears is “you’re incompetent, you need me to drive instead”

Sometimes, you’re just trying to help – and he’s receiving it entirely differently than you intend it. 

You are perfectly positioned in his life to ECHO the voice of God that says “In Christ, you DO have what it takes” and you can support, yield, follow, and celebrate him.

Wives, do you mostly correct, or cheer?

When he knows he’s the man, and your on his team, he will flourish.

The Bible doesn’t say anything about who should cook or clean or what chores you should do, this has nothing to do with that…

He needs to KNOW:

#1 – you think he’s the man

#2 – you are on His team


There are some ways that are not fitting with the Lord

You don’t have to put up with abuse, pornography, cheating, lying, etc


This was actually the radical part when this was written.

In this day, men were the ones who would have been offended by this passage.

Marriage was a way that men had babies, or gained political clout with other important men, or got rights and access to land.

The gospel actually corrects this attitude and calls husband to LOVE THEIR WIVES.

The gospel elevates women. 

Christianity is the only world religion that actually says, 

“There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” Galatians 3


Ephesians actually says, “Love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

How does Jesus love the church?

Jesus pursues us.

Does he wait until we look perfect and behave perfect? No, he pursued us even when we were still sinners

He pursues first.

Jesus takes responsibility for EVERYTHING.

Especially things that are not his fault 

For example, SIN

Jesus takes responsibility for our sin, and sin was not his fault.

He went to the cross and instead of being right, he was a savior.

Instead of exposing us, he covered us.

He didn’t have to do this.

Jesus goes FIRST

Romans 5:8 says “God demonstrates his love for us in this, that while we were sinners he gave himself up for us”

He went FIRST.

How far should I take this?

All the way to the cross

What if she takes advantage of me?

Isn’t that what we did to Jesus?

What if she mistreats me?

Isn’t that what we did to Jesus?

What if she lies to me?

Isn’t that what we did to Jesus?


Some men say, “you don’t know my wife”

How does Jesus love his bride? 

Unconditionally, relentlessly…

We rarely have marriage problems, we just have gospel problems.

We don’t understand how to remain steadfast in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self control. 


We are supposed to be TENDER WITH her and TOUGH FOR her.

But most of the time we are the reverse of that. 

We should be fighting FOR her and not WITH her.



They say it takes two to make a marriage work. I disagree

It only takes one, but it has to be a strong one with Godly character.